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I want to let go of making pretty pictures. 

During my March residency in Italy, the weather was often chilly, rainy or windy, but I had a beautiful studio space where I could paint daily, using gouache on paper. I could also pin my work on the walls and leave my still-lifes set up for consecutive days. I worked, without haste, in a quiet space, looking at the paintings to consider what changes to try next. My mind was not on selling, winning, or likes – but on authenticity.

 

Returning to the same subject and changing various elements brought me closer to what I was searching for. This was already a good path, and an intuitive one, because I have a background in science. Repeating an experiment is a great way to learn. The big difference is that I did not start with a hypothesis – because I couldn’t define what I sought. 

Here is one of my first paintings:    

This arrangement of flowers and fruit in the windowsill of the studio is a balanced composition, with local color and morning light.  I consider this a successful painting. But not especially emotional.

In fact, I was searching for something within me, and even though I respond to beauty and nature, I was not finding “me” by reproducing those subjects.

 

Here is the primula again, where I have zoomed in closer and invented some color.     

 

I think this image is whimsical and interesting.

It still doesn’t feel emotional or personal.

I don’t want my work to be too cerebral or calculated. I want the process to be intuitive, perhaps nonrational - coming from an unencumbered mind.  

 

 

I decided to try a more abstract approach. In science, an abstract is a summary of findings placed at the beginning of a data-filled article. It is the bare essence of a more detailed explanation. What if I started with a still life and whittled it down?

       

This painting in grayscale helped established my light and dark shapes.

 

 

Using red - a color I use less frequently as a landscape painter, I recreated those dark and light shapes, added some pattern, and left white spaces between some shapes.  

 

 

 

This was beginning to seem more interesting. It evoked a memory – maybe a textile? Maybe like some OpArt curtains or beach pants I made in high school?

 

 

I continued further experiments using a red palette.

 

Here there is more invention, yet the rendering is precise, not abstract. I like the mood and the quiet composition. It is pleasing, but it isn’t revelatory. The red unifies the painting. The abstract elements are secondary.

 

 

 

 

The search was not a straight path. The abstract journey seemed daunting. I felt stymied, so I continued to focus on color, but returned to the blooming primula; the bit of nature living inside.  

 

 

 

 

 

The last half of the month I explored the color yellow, also an unfamiliar color. It is a difficult color to modulate. Adding any red, green, or gray quickly sent it out of the “yellow” category. But it was fun to mix tiny amounts and make subtle shifts in hue.

“Felicity,” 11x8, gouache

This painting moved me in a new way. To emphasize the yellow, I grayed down all the other colors – especially the dark green leaves. The paper was coated with gesso, allowing thin paint to run, thicker paint to be impasto and some spots left unpainted. There is something about the yellow color, the partial outlining, and the light. It speaks to me of an old fairytale illustration.

It seems to be more than its components. And it surprises me. I remember the sunlight touching the blooms and the rim of the bowl. I feel like it captures happiness. This is my favorite painting from my residency.

Perhaps pretty pictures are meant to be gifts and can only be received by surprise. 

I saw progress through 3 actions: 1. Resolutely stumbling through ideas. 2. Taking time to look at a picture and see what the next step should be. 3. Recognizing when enough is enough.

Thank you for following my journey. Ciao! Deliece

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